ink and scissors: lovingly handmade: cdp

Dear Aiden...

One of my favorite blogs to read over the years was Elise's blog. She has a great "go get 'em" attitude which is really inspiring. When she had her first child, she started writing a series of letters to her which were very sweet and touching. This resonated with me and inspired me. I decided that I wanted to do something similar when I had my first child.

I actually started writing letters to Aiden during my pregnancy, telling him about how I was feeling and about all my hopes and dreams for him. It helped me feel closer to him, almost like I already knew him because of all these conversations I was having with him. They are some of my favorite additions to his baby album. I like to imagine him reading those letters when he's old enough to understand, and that he hopefully realizes how much I really love him.

I don't write those long letters as frequently now since I write a lot of little notes to go along with his pictures in his album. But every so often, I like to write on his monthly birthdays. Eighteen months later and his dad and I still celebrate it, even if it's just between the two of us.

Dear Aiden,

Eighteen months is a major milestone for you, but surprisingly enough, the day was almost completely gone before we realized it. I swear...every time I think of these important stages in your life, it strikes me all over again how much you've changed. One of my favorite things to do is scroll through the photos and videos in my phone and witness all over again the many stages you have gone through.

Today, you are truly a toddler growing fast into your own unique personality. I am always remarking to your dada how crazy it is that you know exactly what you want. From what you eat (most especially on this) to the music you listen to, you have very strong opinions on what you want.

Right now, our latest struggle is about what you eat. You really know what you want to eat, and strongly let us know what you do not want to eat. Mealtimes have become our battleground. I assemble bits and pieces for you to sample and pick it, but most of the time, you refuse to touch anything but the fruit. And maybe some of the cheese. Your favorite chicken noodle soup? You refuse to even look at it now. Every morsel of food I try to put into your mouth is visually inspected before you let me know whether or not it's acceptable. I can't slip anything by you. It's actually kind of funny in its own way, but incredibly frustrating and stressful for me at the same time.

If you haven't realized it by now, I'll let you in on something that will help you understand what motivates me. Your mama is a worrier. A big time worrier. And when it comes to your little self, I am the worst. Most days I can work through it, but when I don't see you eat much, my worrying gets out of control. What if you aren't getting enough food? Will you stop growing? Are you getting all your vitamins? What if you're going to bed hungry? What am I doing wrong? Am I a bad mama if I let you eat only 'nanas and string cheese for dinner because that's all you'll let me feed you?

Seriously, this is how my mind works.

But as frustrating as you can be about food, I have no worries whatsoever about you as a person.

You are the sweetest and most affectionate little baby boy. I live for your freely given hugs and kisses. Those are my favorite moments of the day. You can be playing hard somewhere, but sometimes you will just stop, look around the room for one of your parents, and given us a flying hug with a big wet kiss to finish it off. I absolutely love how you lay your head on my shoulder with so much trust when I hug you back, holding yourself the same exactly way that you used to do when you were still an infant. My heart becomes so full each and every single time you do this. Even though you're growing into a big time toddler, I remember my little baby all over again when I hold you this way.

I love you, babyroo.